(I’m listening to “Bittersweet Symphony” by The Verve)

“What the heck is a doula?”  That’s the question I asked the wife when she suggested hiring a doula for the birth of Littles.  Was the wife planning on giving birth under a tree in the backyard or something?  Was this the medieval times?  Was the doula going to cast a spell over our child?  My mind was racing, only it didn’t know what to race about because I didn’t know what a doula was.  I had no idea.  I just had misconceptions.  I just thought we were going to do this 1960’s style.  You know, they’d wheel the wife into a room, I’d stand in a waiting room smoking cigarettes, the nurse would bring the baby out, and then we’d all have cigars and an old-fashioned.  That sounds pretty legit, right?

Today kicked off World Doula Week, and after two births of our two wonderful little ladies, I know what a doula is, thank goodness.  Technically speaking, a doula is someone who assists women during labor and after childbirth, but, that definition doesn’t do the term justice, like at all.  Our doulas were amazing.  I remember the wife saying, “A doula isn’t just for the mom, dads need doulas too!  You’ll see…you’re going to love it.”

And that’s why the wife is smart.  I did love having a doula…both times.  Having a doula was like having Wonder Woman in the room with you.  Doulas are for the dads too!  I didn’t know what to expect when it came to the birth of our first child.  I had never been in the situation before, and frankly, nothing can completely prepare you for it.  Sure, we took some classes, learned to breathe, and watched some videos; and I was like, “This is going to be a magical time!”  And it is!  It’s also crazy scary!  The wife was making sounds I had never heard before, she’s in unbearable pain, and I just felt helpless.  Here I was, watching the woman I love in such pain, and I was in tears because I couldn’t fix it.

The knowledge I had gained in those classes and videos could only take me so far.  I was tapped out.  That’s when our doula said, “Take a break.  Get something to eat.  I’ll take over for a while.  She’ll be fine.”  And that’s what I did.  While the wife was going through one of the toughest things she would ever do, I got to take a break.  I collected myself.  I pulled myself together.  I watched the doula work.  I watched her talk the wife through contractions.  I watched her have my wife change positions.  After doing this for about a half hour, I was ready to get back into the game.  Now I was doing the hip compressions, I was talking my wife through contractions.  When the wife said, “Just give me the drugs,” I was the one telling her there would only be a few more.  She could do this!  I was the one talking her off the ledge.  I felt empowered.  I felt like I knew what I was doing.  I could do this!  And I owed that all to our doula.

The wife gave birth to Littles, I cut the cord.  But, as I was holding Littles, even I could tell something was wrong with the wife.  There was blood, lots of it.  The midwife pushed the panic button and instantly, 20 doctors and nurses were in the room.  I swear, people even dropped down from the ceiling like paratroopers.  As I was holding our new, sweet baby girl, I was thinking, “Please God, don’t leave me alone with this baby, please.  I can’t do this by myself.”  I was laying on a cot, holding our little miracle to my chest, and pleading and praying.

Secretly, this possibility was my biggest fear of the process.  Our doula took the baby and said, “Watch, she’s going to be alright.” She was right.  I don’t know what the doctors did, but the bleeding stopped.  The wife was going to be just fine.  We would be a family of three.

We gave Littles to mom, skin to skin.  We took pictures.  We breathed breaths of relief.  We were going to start our lives as a family of three, but first, we needed to sleep!  Our doula took the baby, and told us to take a nap.  I don’t know about the wife, but I know that was the best nap of my life.  The sleep of a new dad who had just helped his bride through the most amazing and terrifying experience of our lives, and I had our doula to thank.

The wife became a doula after the birth of our first child.  She helped many clients through their child birthing experience and I’ve heard stories of how amazing she was.  It doesn’t surprise me at all. The wife is amazing and can do anything she sets her mind to.  When it came time to have our second child, I knew what the heck a doula was, and I knew we were going to have one.

Looking back at Littles’ birth, I don’t know if I could have made it through without the help of our doula.  I’d like to think I could have.  What I do know, is I’m very thankful I didn’t have to try.