(I’m listening to “Unknown Legend” by Neil Young)

On the dad versus human scale today, I’m 100% dad.  Every day is my parenting day, but Monday’s are different.  On Monday’s, I find out what I’m made of.  On Monday’s, it’s just dad.  Mom is at work.  My safety net is gone.  My margin for error is razor thin.  I can run the whole gauntlet of emotions on these days, within 5 minutes.  Sometimes, these days are a piece of cake and sometimes…oh man.

I love these days.  It’s my day with the girls and I know someday, they’ll be gone.  Someone once told me that having kids is “long days, but short years.”  That couldn’t be more true.  Both Littles and Tiny are getting bigger and it’s a blast to watch them grow and develop. Plus, they’re really funny and cute…and mobile.  These days are ours, and I want to remember them.  So, here’s a running diary of my day with my little ladies.

1:20am. Got up because Littles lost her blankets. Had to cover her back up. This is my favorite kind of wake up because it’s one minute long. I barely have to wake up for this. The wife and I have sort of an unspoken agreement; whoever doesn’t work in the morning, gets up if the kids do. I don’t work today, so I’m up.

4:00am. Littles got scared of the dark. I had to comfort her. As bad as this seems, this is my second favorite type of wake up.  I get lots of snuggles and Littles thinks her dad can protect her from anything.

7:43am. Rise and shine! Everyone slept in! I hear Tiny rolling around and jabbering. I decide to let the wife sleep in some more, so I’ll handle the kids. I walk into Tiny’s room and she whispers, “Dadadadada.”  She just started saying that lately, but she’s been saying, “Mamamamama” for a few month.  We’re off to a good start here.

7:47am. I go into Littles room. She’s still out like a light. I would be too if I woke up 2 times that night. Oh wait, I did, but I still have to get up.

7:48am. I go into the kitchen to get a bottle and a sippy of milk.  I hope bottles are made and some sippies are clean. It’s the worst when they aren’t.  Then you have to clean them yourself and old formula has a unique smell that you’re not prepared to deal with first thing in the morning.  Good, everything is clean.

7:50am. Littles is still out. I offer her milk with ice cubes in it (her favorite). She reacts by grunting and sucking her thumb. I pull open her blinds and turn her sound machine off. It’s like waking up an angry badger sometimes.

7:51am. I give Tiny her bottle. She pounds half of it and she’s smiling and ready to go. I change her diaper and we go into Littles room.

8:05am. Littles is awake. It’s like someone flipped a switch.  She’s all smiles. Two minutes ago she could have been an 80-year-old man that just had his yard walked on. Now she’s great. Can’t wait for the teen years! Anyway, it’s time to go invade momma.

8:07am. I wake up the wife by throwing two little girls at her.  The wife got to “sleep in” until 8:07 so she’s in a great mood. Snuggles all around!

8:35am. Momma is leaving for work, but not after Littles has to say goodbye with hugs three times.  We finally stand out on the porch and watch momma drive away.  Littles has started doing this with either one of us.  It’s cute and you also have to build a few minutes into the morning schedule for it.  You can’t leave the other person with a meltdown, not when it could be avoided with an extra hug.

8:40am. Breakfast time! Littles wants a bagel with strawberry cream cheese. We don’t have strawberry cream cheese. I compromise by saying I’ll make some by mixing cream cheese with strawberry jam. Compromise accepted. Thank goodness.

9:17am. Tiny is getting tired so it’s time for her nap. You can tell because she just crawls around and moans.  She doesn’t cry.  She just moans and smiles while moaning.  It’s kind of weird.  Anyway, I put on a “Sofia the First” for Littles while I put Tiny down. “Sofia the First” is just as effective as cement shoes.  She won’t move an inch.

9:32am. Tiny is out. It’s just me and Littles. She wants to “snuggle and watch another Sofia.” She had me at snuggle.  This is also a time where I might steal an extra snooze.

10:04am. Littles tells me to turn the TV off.   Good girl!  She tells me she wants another bagel. I give her the other half. We put on some music. We listen to “Rocketman” and start singing along. I love her singing.  She matches pitch really well.

10:32am. Tiny is done with her nap. Littles goes in to check on her while I get a bottle ready.  Littles asks me if she can play with Tiny in her crib. Yep! Voluntary containment!

11:02am. They both want to get out. Now they’re playing with Littles kitchen set. I love watching them play together. Littles is making food for Tiny. My heart overflows.  Littles always cooks and bakes with the wife.

11:40am Tiny crawls into the master shower, probably to poop. (That’s her thing)

11:45am. Yep, Tiny pooped. Wow.

11:54am. Lunch time! Littles won’t eat because she had a whole bagel today, so that might sustain her for the next 3 days, but Tiny is taking it down.  Green beans, mac and cheese, and cheerios.  She’s a garbage disposal.

12:09pm. I’m peeling bandaids off of a toy flamingo. It’s like trying to get gum out of hair.

12:17pm. I’m a full blown waiter, except one of my customers can’t talk. She just acts distressed until I get her something she likes. The other customer is happy with milk.  I hope I get a good tip.

12:18pm. I’d like to note that I haven’t showered today.

12:22pm. Tiny makes herself throw up by gagging herself with her finger. Mashed up green beans, mac and cheese, and cheerios come out. Awesome. The smell is distinct.

12:28pm. People are getting tired around here.

12:29pm. I realized I’ve had to pee for the last hour.

12:37pm. Littles has reached her “no” phase.  She does this when she gets tired.  I’m telling her the plan for the rest of the day and everything is met by “no.”  I could tell her we were going snowboarding, going to the moon, or turning into mermaids, and it would be met by “Nooooo.”  Rest time is imminent.

12:52pm. It’s nap time once again. Tiny is nodding off and Littles is playing piano. She’s 3 and hasn’t had a lesson. I’m using the word “playing,” loosely. I can hear where she is while I’m putting Tiny to bed, so that’s a plus.

1:02pm. One down, one to go.

1:04pm. The battle to get Littles to go potty begins.

1:12pm. I win the potty fight. Littles is resting. As it turns out, Tiny is not asleep.

1:19pm. Tiny is down again. I hear noises from both of their rooms. It’s like sitting in a minefield.

1:26pm. Tiny is refusing to sleep, Littles doesn’t want to rest. She says she wants to poop. Funny, I’ve had that feeling for a few hours. How does it feel to want something?

1:28pm. Tiny might be on crack. She’s squealing and pounding in her crib. It sounds like she’s tunneling out. I’m going in.

1:31pm. At least someone is sleeping around here.

1:32pm. Sometimes I think Littles poops out trolls. She’s an angel now and resting wonderfully.

1:44pm. Tiny is out. She smells a bit like throw up and poop, but she is out.

1:46pm. Peace and quiet.  LET’S DO ALL THE THINGS!!! I’d like to think I’ll use this time to do something productive. I’d like to think that. The reality is, I’ll clean up the war-zone that is my house, use the bathroom, and shower so that I’ll feel like a human.

2:10pm. Rest time is over for Littles.

2:11pm. Littles offered to clean the bathroom while I showered. Bless her heart.

2:12pm. She “cleaned” for a minute. I actually think it’s more dirty. Oh well. She tried. Now she’s walking around like a herd of elephants. I hope she doesn’t wake up Tiny.

2:25pm. SO FRESH AND SO CLEAN CLEAN!!! I’m ready for the rest of the day!

2:29pm. OUTSIDE!!! Time to jump on the trampoline!

3:08pm. Everyone is up, even the cat. We’re having a ball in the sun room.

3:12pm. The wife sends a great text. She’s going to be home early! The girls and I are having snacks and listening to Elton John again. Life is good.

3:43pm. MOMMA’S HOME!!! Life is great!

3:47pm. Tiny poops her pants. WELCOME HOME MOM! Life couldn’t be better.

That obviously wasn’t the end of my day.  When the wife came home, we all played together, made dinner, went out for ice cream for Littles 3-and-a-half-year-old “birthday,” then put them to bed.  I just made that all sound easy, but it’s not; however, it’s a heck of a lot easier when the wife is here.  She’s amazing.

Today was a “dad” day for me, but tomorrow will definitely be a “human” day.  The forecast is calling for 8-10 inches of snow in the mountains, the kids are at school and day care, and the snowboard is ready.  Life is good.