(I’m listening to “Nutshell” by Alice In Chains)

Sometimes being a dad and being a human really clash.  What I mean by “human” is: if I was just responsible for me, with nobody else to consider.  As a dad, I would make a decision, but as a human, that decision could be very different.  Sure, that could be true of a lot of decisions, but I’m not talking about, “Oh man, if I were single” type stuff.  I’m just talking about normal decisions, if that makes any sense.  Let me explain.

Tomorrow, I will be selling my Jeep, so that means for the first time in about 8 years, I won’t be a Jeep owner.  I’m wrestling with this decision, but I can’t really put my finger on why.  I’m hoping that by writing about it, I’ll run into an answer.  If I think practically, I rarely drive it, I never take it off-road, I don’t take it snowboarding since we got our Pilot, I don’t take the top off, my kids don’t really fit in it, I’m selling it for the same amount I paid for it 4 years ago, and we already have two other SUV’s.  With all that said, it’s a good-looking Jeep and I’m still unsure about selling it.

Call me selfish, call it unnecessary to have three vehicles, call it nostalgia, but I really do love this Jeep.  We bought it right before we had our first daughter, Littles.  I upgraded from another Jeep because I loved owning a Jeep, I was becoming a dad, I was staring more responsibility right in the face, the new Jeep had airbags, and I guess I wanted to have something that didn’t seem so “dad-ish.”   We had already purchased the typical suburban family car, a Honda CR-V, so we needed something that was more fun than functional, right?  I mean, this is the Jeep we replaced:

That was an awesome Jeep.  Doors off, top down, we drove that all over.  We took it everywhere from the drive-in movies to the Black Hills in South Dakota.  It was one of our “get out of debt” cars.  I sold my Audi and bought this Jeep, and the wife sold her Volkswagen Rabbit and got an old Honda Civic.  This Jeep got us through some tough times, and never missed a beat.  It was tough selling that one too; it represented a lot of sacrifices made, but when Littles came along, the old Jeep just wasn’t going to cut it.  So, we got the current Jeep.  Due to it having airbags it was going to be a bit safer for me to drive, and we would still have a “fun” vehicle.

So, here’s why am I unsure about selling our current Jeep. One of the reasons is Littles loves to ride in “daddy’s Jeep.”

Riding in daddy’s Jeep is kind of our thing we do together.  I’m going to miss her asking for a ride.  I’m going to miss her asking, “Are we going in your Jeep?” when we’re walking out the door.  I’m going to miss her giggling when she bounces around because of a bump in the road.  I’m going to miss that time together, even though those rides have been few and far between since the arrival of her little sister.

Another reason it’s hard to sell is it’s really handy to have a 3rd car.  I know, that sounds like a really “American” thing to say, but the wife and I are both transplants in Colorado, so we have a lot of family and friends come visit.  It’s nice to have a car for them to use. It’s also nice to have when one of our other cars is in the shop.

The Jeep is also really fun to drive.  I can’t explain it, but there’s just something about driving a Jeep Wrangler.  It’s rugged.  No frills, no backup cameras, no bluetooth, no heated seats, no luxuries.  It’s just me and the Jeep.  I could be heading to the grocery store or to the mountains, and it feels the same; like I’m on an excursion to sleep under the stars next to a campfire. 

Are those good enough reasons to keep it though?

Like I said leading off, if I’m being a “human,” I definitely keep the Jeep, but, I’m also a dad, and the dad part of me says, “sell it.”  And maybe that’s why I’m having a hard time selling it.  Maybe it does represent me being a human instead of a dad; a different time in life, a time of more freedom, a time when we didn’t have kids, a time where we could do what we wanted, when we wanted to do it.  Maybe I should be saying “I” instead of “we.”  Maybe it represents a time where I had more freedom, a time when I could do what I wanted; not that I would change a thing.  Raising a family is one of the most wonderful and fulfilling things I’ve done in my life, but it does influence my decisions.  As selfish as it sounds, maybe the Jeep allows me to balance being a dad and a human, if only for a few miles at a time.  Maybe it’s a reminder that even though my time and my life isn’t my own anymore, I can still do a couple of things for myself.

Maybe I think the Jeep makes me feel like I’m not like everyone else in suburbia.  A wife, a mortgage, two cars, one being an SUV the other a sedan, or maybe both cars are SUV’s.  Either way, that just seems so practical and predictable.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my life and I am fortunate beyond measure, I’ve just never been the practical or predictable type, heck, I met the wife on a plane.  Maybe the Jeep provides just enough impracticality to counterbalance a life that’s becoming more and more practical.

Are those good enough reasons to keep it though?

I really don’t have that answer.  If I did, I would feel confident one way or the other, but I don’t.   The practical side of me says sell it…and get a Harley.  Crap, I’m right back where I started.

So long, Jeep.  Happy trails and thanks for the memories.